Friday, September 24, 2004

Death and change

Got revision requests this week, which always depress me, because first it's like "What? You mean you didn't love my baby just as it is!!!????" And then I get mad. Then I try to make deals (in my head mostly, because I'm smarter than that)--like, "well, but okay, if I fix this, then I really need to leave that in..."

And then I get depressed and decide the whole thing sucks, so I just may as well throw it all in the trash and give up. And then I take a deep breath, actually open the revision letter and see what it says (yeah, I know, I really ought to read the thing before I go through all this angst, but what can I say? I'm a coward. And I'd still go through the angst anyway.)

And when I read it, I realize they're totally right and everything needs to be done and it won't totally screw up the story and a couple of things could be really, totally cool, and oh, I already took care of that bit anyway--

You might notice that those are the steps Kubler-Ross (I think that's the right name) says the dying go through, or the steps of grief. Bob Mayer, who ran a workshop I attended, claims these are also the steps to change. Because before something can change, it has to die. You have to let go of the old thing so the new thing has room to come into being. And this is why it's so hard for most people to change. Because dying is scary.

That's why, even though the Tarot death card very seldom indicates physical death, most people are afraid to see it in a reading. It generally means that something needs to end so that something new can begin. And see how far I can go from the original topic. I'm good at going off on tangents like this, and occasionally wax philosophical. (Don't wax much else.)

But it only took me one day to go through all this angst. Unfortunately, next week is going to be the week from heck. I'm either in charge of or seriously involved with two major events that will both take place next Friday. I have many phone calls to make, lots of people to request assistance from, lots of stuff to do. Ugh. Hopefully I can write in the morning anyway, because nobody will be home then for me to call.
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