Monday, October 16, 2006

Insecurity

The bad thing about a publishing fiasco like mine is that it can undermine a writer's confidence until there's nothing left but a big sucking sound. I know the decisions made were because of numbers and the "bad" numbers were due to unrealistic expectations...but still, when I sat down to write this morning, I found myself second guessing every word I wrote. Is it good? Is it good enough? Is it emotional enough? Too emotional? Exciting? Too talky? Not talky enough? The questions keep coming, bombarding me until I just want to go GAAACK! and bang my head on the desk.

And here I am working up workshops for RWA National conference again next year. Two of them, this time. Like I think I know what I'm doing.

Maybe I'll just bang my head on the desk, anyway. I'm not quitting mind. I'm just not sure if what I'm plugging away at will be any good. (Yeah, I know. Typical writer...)

Did get 6 more pages done today. I need to find out how to do those little thermometer-esque things, something that will fill up with every page written...

3 comments:

CE Murphy said...

*hugs* Meh. I feel your pain. :( I knew the Bombshell cancellation was coming, and it was even a *relief*, but I still spent the next month totally not wanting to work at all. :/ *hugs more* I swear to you, it's a matter of HQN marketing not understanding the market, not anything you did wrong.

-Catie

Lynn said...

As someone who writes but has never been published, this kind of thing gives me the "heebie-jeebies". After reading the two ROSE books and eagerly anticipating the third, I am very frustrated that they would pull out on you like that -- and it makes me think, well, what chance does a first-time author have if they treat an established one that way? Jeez.

Yeah, yeah. It's always the bottom dollar, which is a shame.

But I will continue writing and hoping anyway...

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Gail, this is the first time I posted on your blog, but I've been reading you for awhile. *g* I agree wholeheartedly with Lynn. I read your first Rose book and had such sudden HOPE that my own book would find a place someday. I really loved it! To see you go through this, when so many people LOVED your series--both breaks my heart (as a reader--I want to know what happens!) and scares me to death (as a writer). The Compass Rose is on my keeper shelf and always will be.